Posted by chicagomedia.org on January 22, 2009 at 12:08:22:
Dahl to Bush: Get Tweeting
Steve Dahl | Vice
January 22, 2009
Having been only recently booted out of a cushy job before the work at hand was completed, I feel that I might have some choice words of advice for departing President Bush. I too felt the sting of the rotten economy and suffered from low opinion poll ratings. I too am getting paid to do nothing. Although only six weeks into my sabbatical, I have a few pointers. They won't take the feeling of loss away, but they'll help make getting cut loose quick and painless:
Rent a storage locker. That's what I did. I had 12 years worth of junk that had to be cleared out of the Prudential Plaza in just a matter of days. Secure a good moving company, and get your people to pack it up and stash everything in storage. You can sift through it later when you're not so emotional. Then you can earmark the stuff you want to keep or possibly put in the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I don't see a Steve Dahl Radio Host Library in my future, but I'd at least like to get my stuff whittled down to a medium-size storage locker. Don't bother to ask Cheney for help. He ended up in a wheelchair at the inauguration after getting injured during his own move.
Keep yourself in the news. Everybody is fixating on Barack Obama right now, and you need to think creatively to keep yourself in the spotlight. I am probably going to start cranking out some Internet broadcasts just to keep my name out there, but all you have to do is make a goofy face and you'll get worldwide coverage. That's not to say that you're not agile; that shoe dodging in the Middle East was impressive. Maybe a Hush Puppies deal is worth pursuing.
Get fit. I noticed during your farewell speech that you're hitting the tanning bed a little and dropping some weight. Get ready to become a lot more tanned and to continue to see the pounds melt away. Once you're free of the stress of the daily grind, you'll find you'll eat less. There's time to enjoy the ranch, or nearby Padre Island. I've been in Florida for three of the last six weeks, and I've lost 10 pounds and have quite the tan lines under my watch. You'll start to look and feel younger too. I'm 54, but right now I feel and look no older than 52. Obama looks like he's aged 10 years, and he just started on Tuesday.
Network on the Web. If you have the time, President Bush—and based on your time-management skills there's no reason to think that you won't—you might dabble with social networking on the Internets (sic). I myself have sent more than 500 Twitters and have almost 5,000 Facebook friends as of this writing. On Facebook, 5,000 is the max, but they might make an exception for you. It seems goofy at first, but people just like to know what you're doing. Here's a sample "Tweet" that you might send: "Bushy here. Just chopped some wood for no reason and had a steak sandwich (from my own cow). Gonna get on the Internet and use Google Earth to look for Osama."
Show you care. Al Gore rehabilitated his loser image by sinking his teeth into the whole global warming thing. I know he wasn't ever elected president, but then again maybe he was . Create some sort of do-gooder scheme that you can do on a really grand scale to show that you really do care. That "keeping us safe" bit is wearing a little thin, especially now that I know that the Transportation Security Administration allows knitting needles on airplanes. I'm hosting a TV show on Feb. 9 on ComcastSportsNet to benefit the March of Dimes. See, I care too. Feel free to stop by and drop a few malaprops on the crowd.
Stop trying to rewrite your own history. If you did anything good, history will sort it out. I hope that one day people will realize that Howard Stern used to listen to tapes of me when he was still in college. These things take time. Look at Bill Clinton: We don't even remember that he was impeached. Bill seemed to really like your rug in the Oval Office. I felt like I was watching "The Big Lebowski" when The Dude said, "The rug really tied the room together, Man." Remember when Bill was starring in "The Big Lewinsky"? Try and unload the rug on him. His other rug is still at the cleaners.
So good luck, George, I'll see you on the golf course.
(Chicago Tribune)