Chet Chitchat: Brandmeier is Bradley's half brother

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Posted by Bud on September 23, 2009 at 16:23:41:

In Reply to: Milton Bradley mess involves mom & Brandmeier posted by Lockwood Castle on September 23, 2009 at 13:56:39:

Chet Chitchat chimes in with his Lobotomy Line on the Brandmeier/Bradley Brouhaha in his blog today:

Shocked jock: Radio rascal Brandmeier is Bradley's half brother

By chetchitchat

The town is buzzing. And by "the town" I mean Fond du Lac, or okay, maybe Milwaukee. Not Chicago. I mean I only found out about it by reading the Future Tribune Insert, the Sun-Times. But it's really something. Well, to me, anyway.

Legendary radio rascal Jonathon Brandmeier, who gave me my big break (and also fired me twice ((plus I quit once to work with Steve Dahl)) just found out yesterday that he is the son of Charlena Rector, who happens to be the mother of Milton Bradley.

I didn't actually hear the interview Johnny did with Charlena on the LOOP (97.9 FM, smack dab in the middle of the dial), but I've heard about it. Plus I can fill in the blanks because I've heard 746,000 Johnny interviews, many of which I participated in. Like the time we bamboozled a poor couple from Minnesota into thinking that Katherine Hepburn was on the phone line and even caused a CBS-TV crew to go out and do a story on the couple. I don't think CBS ever found out about it, but maybe they can put Bill Kurtis on the cold case and see if he can get to the bottom of it like he seems to have gotten to the bottom of many a bowl of chocolate pudding in recent years.

So from what I hear it came down like this. Johnny calls Milton Bradley's mother. She doesn't even realize she's on the radio. Yes, Johnny complied with FCC rules that dictate that you have to tell someone that he (Or she, in this instance. Don't you love my sexist aversion to "they"?) is going to be on the radio. He probably warned the woman so fast that she didn't even have a chance to figure out what was going on. But hey, er, I mean "HEY!!!!!!!!!!!" (I am, after all, Chet Chitchat), life is unfair. Sometimes you don't get a fair chance. Look at Johnny. He's been given only two chances to succeed in television (each one separated by a cicada-like 17 years), and he may never get another one.

So Johnny thinks he's going to pull his Borat routine on the woman (and thanks, Sasha Baron Cohen, but Johnny was doing this before you ever dreamed of doing it, and why couldn't Johnny have scored that nice role you got in "Sweeney Todd"? Johnny even says "Sweeney" real funny.)

So Johnny gets some good info from Milton's mom, like how Bradley's 3-year-old son was being racially taunted in school. (Wished I'd actually heard the interview. Why does a 3-year-old have to go to school? Does Milt's wife have to work because you can't be sure if the Cubs are going to pay the 20 million on the remaining two years of his contract? Does Milt have a wife? If not, is it because his mother is so overwhelming she makes Norman Bates's mom seem gentle?)

Anyway, Johnny's doing the interview with Moms Bradley (you should hear her sing "Has anyone here seen my old friend Abraham?"), and like I said, she doesn't know she's on the air so she says, "Um, Johnny. As long as I'm being so honest and all, I've got a confession to make. I'm your mother. And I don't mean you're my child like the Misfit in Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man is Hard to Find is the child of the old woman. I ain't talkin' no metaphors. I AM your mother. I'm sawrry I never told you all these years. I'm really sawrry." And it was spooky because she said "sawrry" just like Johnny says it, and he knew she was telling the truth.

And from what I hear Johnny was rendered speechless, which is not unusual for him. When he's speechless he usually just relies on his wall of sound. Like maybe at that moment it would have been apropos to put on a tape of Jimmy Cagney in "White Heat" going "Top of the world, ma! Top of the world!" But he couldn't do anything.

Turns out that Johnny is the son of Charlena Rector and the late comedian Jerrry Colonna, who was on "McHale's Navy" once or so. Some sort of hush-hush liaison. Johnny was adopted by the Brandmeiers. His mother Hankie, whom he describes as a "saint," truly, truly is. Did I say "truly"?

Anyway, Johnny was stunned into silence because he started putting two and two together. Who is Milton Bradley? A man-child who seeks the limelight yet shuns it at the same time. Someone with a lot of talent but an inability to get along with others. Someone who has achieved something but basically choked when it came to the big time. The big stage. And so he cried "racism." Or made phony phone calls to dupes. Anything to give himself a false sense of superiority to those around him.

Aren't we all Milton Bradley? Cue the "We're all crazy in Chicago" music.

This entry was posted on September 23, 2009

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